There has been a great deal of discussion lately about “same-sex marriage” and civil unions.
Some organizations and individuals feel that if there is not “same-sex marriage”, and something such as civil unions are done instead, then the community has settled for less than equal. Many of these same folks are using marriage as the litmus test of equality across the board; other rights granted or fought for are not important unless marriage is also recognized.
Others feel that regardless of what you call it, if there is equal legal recognition with a different name, then this is in fact equal. The logic being why not accept what we can get for the time being.
Does the term “marriage” have to be included for the rights to be equal? Are “civil unions” a compromise to help others in society feel less threatened by same-sex couples?
Weigh ‘n on this discussion in the comments section below.
For the moment, especially in Arizona, the only thing my partner and I can have that is legally recognized here is LOTS of paperwork! Oh, and the domestic partner registry in Phx that says we can see each other in the hospital.
But in a perfect world? I think it should be “marriage” for all. Forms should be changed to say “spouse” rather than “husband” or “wife” and all companies that deal in such questions should have to change everything to that. I should not have to explain to each medical office or insurance person each time, like I do right now with domestic partner benefits, that the woman on my card is not my daughter or my mother!
What can be done about the Defense of Marriage Act anyway? (DOMA)
If the lgbt community settles for anything less than same sex marriage being called marriage then what makes it different than being equal but separate like when african Americans were forced to have separate drinking fountains, restrooms, and seats on public transportation. Why believe in something and settle for what others want. Define it as marriage so lgbt people can also live the American dream.
Forget about it……
If we can’t have marriage, then why care about anything else at all. It is the only thing that gives us legal recognition and rights, no matter what. And it has to come from the Federal Government. Why should we have to get married in every state, or wait for states to recognize marriages from other states???????
But don’t forget what comes with marriage. The fact is over 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the gay community should not think they will be exempt from that. Now, many states do not know what to do with the divorces!
I’m just saying……
I am all 4 marriage, and nothing less than marriage. I am tired of calling my other half things like “my partner”, my significant other, my other half, or whatever other charming term people come up with.
I agree though. Each state can come up with all kinds of things, but until the Federal Government does something then why bother?
The people who ran off to states where it is legal, and then talk about how other rights such as DADT or domestic partner benefits are a compromise are just as off base…..why bother to get married in another state if you can’t have federal rights or be recognized everywhere. Many say we should stop celebrating pride and milestones we have achieved…..this belittles the people who have fought before us.
We are individuals within the community, which means we will not all think alike. It does not mean we are all correct or all wrong!
Call it what you will, we need the federal government to do something that will give gays the same rights and benefits throughout the country. I like the idea of riding the terms husband/wife and call us spouses…tho, this will be meaningless unless the Feds decide to give gays and straights equal rights across the board!
I want to be treated equally. It must come from the Federal level so that red states with hate can’t determine who receives rights and who does not. I too, am tired of being creative with naming: “life partner”, “sig other” (do we have an insignificant other??), and my all time favorite – “my friend….”
the “rights” that the states impart are for the second class citizen –
Never liked labels to begin with, don’t need a special “signifier” like wife for the one I share my life with; however, what I do need is the ability to add her to my health insurance plan, the right to make medical/financial/ethical decisions on her behalf should the need arise (without having 5-6 different legal documents). If I make aliyah, I would like to take her with me, I would like tax considerations if they are financially appropriate. If she and I were to separate,she deserves alimony, support..whatever. If I die first she shouldn’t have to deal with crazy ass insensitive and/or ignorant relatives.
I don’t care what you call it as long as I have the same civil and contractual rights as “married” couples. I know it’s not romantic, but it is the reality of what “marriagae” confers. The only validation i need for my love is that which confers legal status for property and inheritance rights.
A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.
In a “perfect world”, equality + civil rights = marriage. I think it’s high time that ALL were treated equally, with respect. What a wordsmith is Victoria, when she writes, “I don’t care what you call it as long as I have the same civil and contractual rights as “married” couples.” The term “marriage” implies this, so I’m all for holding out for the inclusion of the term, in preference to civil union.
should we “hold out” this is the stupids question I have heard. We we ask for equal right to marriage, no it is our right to have it. I am not asking for anything , we want equal marriage nothing les nothing more
The fact is that the marriage license – the ubiquitous document is truly a contract of civil union. It’s the only way that the law recognizes the relationship between the spouses. If the religious want to own the term ‘marriage’ that’s fine, if they see it as a spiritual rite attached to the secular civil union. What we need to fight for is the equality in protections and privileges regardless of whether it’s a heterosexual or homosexual union.
First, I just realized I am sexist. I assumed I would see answers only from women in this discussion.
Secondly, I wonder what will happen with hate crime numbers as marriage becomes legal in more states or federally, for same-sex couples…the reason I ask, is as a middle-aged or old person, I have become used to going back in the closet in certain situations. I don’t always out myself and my partner, depending on the situation. We are both small in stature, although our mouths are quite big when we have something to say. We do not live in a very liberal area, and we literally have to worry about our safety in certain situations.
Just because the law changes to say same sex couples are recognized, whatever the name is, does not mean our neighbors or strangers will suddenly just accept us. It worries me sometimes. I am not saying it should not happen, I just worry. Payson is not as bad as a whole lot of other places in this country, so I can’t imagine what others go through.
But, yes, I want to get married.
Gay rights are human rights.Everyone has (or should have) the right to marry who they love without government or societal interference. Marriage doesn’t need to be protected from gay people. Gays pose no threat to anyone’s relationship. Those who say so are only reacting out of fear – without a rational basis. The sheer hypocrisy about ‘protecting marriage’ when many heterosexual people (Congress included) make a mockery out of it on a daily basis needs to it. It’s OK to have an opinion either way about it, but at least let’s be honest about it. I don’t want ANY govt telling me who I can/can’t marry or deny me the same rights heterosexual couples get. As for kids, they’ll be alright. All they need is love, guidance and acceptance. Both gay and straight parents can provide that.
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