When I first moved to The Valley of the Sun and started going to the gay clubs, I was a little disturbed when I overheard people saying stuff like, ”Not another drag show!” My initial reaction was to stand up for my sisters! After all, without drag queens we would not be where we are today in our fight for equal rights. It was the Drag Queens that got fed up at Stonewall and pulled parking meters out of the ground and fought for the right to be who we are. Remember this occurred during a time when you could not wear more than three articles of clothing that were of another gender without possibly getting brutalized and sent to jail. The police would post people’s pictures on the front page of the local paper and ruin their lives for such an act of civil disobedience.

So, I was not going to sit back and listen to people disrespect our elders! These people fought for us to have a better life. Deeper still, many of those people have passed on and this generation will be the last generation to hear their stories from their lips. I have friends who are Stonewall Survivors and it breaks my heart to think that there are so many people in our community who don’t know their stories and have no desire to learn about them. My way of dealing with this was to open a theater/performance art space where their stories could be told in a way that made their stories accessible to all who had ears to hear. Initially, it was a struggle to get my community to come and support us in our quest. When we did shows that were fun, frivolous and hip or involved full frontal nudity then people flocked to see them and helped us to make a name for ourselves in this town.

However, when I invited our elders to come and tell their stories often times you could hear crickets in the audience. Why is that? I have racked my brain about this for years! Will Drag Queens always be pigeon holed to simply being the Divine Clowns of our Community? I personally think that would be a Huge Mistake on our part for several different reasons. Number one- DRAG is an art form that I happen to love. It embodies everything I love about art! Our bodies become the canvases that we use to bring our visions to life. We use paint, clothing, hair, jewels, duct tape and a whole array of tools to transform ourselves into these otherworldly creatures who go out into the world and bring a smile to people’s faces. That is a selfless act that has an enormous impact on people’s lives whether you realize it or not. Number two- Once the “war paint” is applied, we then take to the stages all over the Valley to raise money for countless causes that help hundreds of thousands of people in our communities all over the world.

Also, something that I think is remarkable about the amazing individuals that have committed themselves to living this life. It’s not all glitz and glamour. It is much more than that! Number Three- Drag is EXPENSIVE! My friend Olivia Gardens likes to say that Drag is the first step towards FINANCIAL RUIN. Although it was said in jest, there is some truth to that statement. Many of us are barely getting by while we are living our dream, but we get up everyday and put ourselves out there and do everything we can to spread love with a fierce outfit, an outrageous personality and a catchy tune. Number Four- Many of us have had hard lives and often times don’t have a whole lot to smile about, but you would never know that because we are good at what we do! We create an illusion! If you took the time to get to know our stories, you may have a different outlook. So, for those of you out there who have caught yourselves being a Negative Nancy when it comes to the thriving drag scene here in the Valley of the Sun…Check Yourself before you Wreck Yourself! If you open your heart and mind, you might find that there are angels among you who are doing the work that needs to be done to make the world a better place.

The phone rings. The voice is distraught, “I was robbed by a homeless youth I was trying to help and the police wouldn’t even come out and take a report.”

Seems stupid to bite the hand that feeds you, but for a youth or young adult who has been on the street the cardinal rule is simple – survive. Every moment of every day the driving force is to survive, if it wasn’t the homeless youth/young adult would be dead. Period.  Besides seeking food and water, warmth in the winter and respite from the heat in the summer, you navigate fights, muggings, sexual assault and random violence.  And that is what you do every day – not to mention dealing with emotional and sometimes mental health issues of your own.

What put this person on the street? Was he/she kicked out? Were they beat? Sexually assaulted? Very few homeless young adults/youth are there simply because they didn’t like home. The young woman who says she didn’t get along with her mom had cigarettes put out on her arms. The young man who says his step dad threw him out, had his first broken arm at age 4 or 5. The one thing all of these street youth have in common is distrust of adults. Adults have lied to them, neglected them, beat them and possibly worse.

So replay the scenario above, but ask one question – “Were you having sex with them?” Answer, “Yes, but…” There is no “but” you are one more adult in that young person’s life who has taken advantage of them. They know it and deep down YOU know it. Don’t fool yourself that this young person really wanted to have a sexual relationship with you. They were surviving. What were you doing?

One more thing – don’t call me and please don’t tie up the police with your complaint. I’d rather they use their time on someone who deserves it.

I have never really believed that you fall in love instantly. You could conceivable fall into lust, or trip mindlessly into passion – but like cooking the perfect soufflé love, real love, takes time.  Love creeps gently into your insides when you glance her way and see the sun gently reflecting off locks of red hair cascading haphazardly over her shoulder. Love is behind his eyes that seem to see forever. Love wells up in your throat when you flip play on the answer machine and hear his sultry voice telling you to “come straight home.”

Love smiles through lathered up faces, tucked in towels and hangs gently mid-air in tunes that are hummed early in the morning.  Love grabs you like gentle thunder in the middle of an orgasm, in the middle of laughter, in the middle of dinner.  Love walks into the room definitively beside you, not searching, roving or seeking something fantasized, but not yet found. Love is being present, profoundly here, solid and alive.  Love is the connection, the commitment, the ecstasy and relief of right union. © Love creates a direct path to Spirit parts, head parts, heart parts and girl parts and boy parts.

When I was very young, I thought I’d fall into love repeatedly.  Really, I was only practicing to be in love once. When you are older you become the love, and then give that to each other. When you become the love, there is no separation between who you are and what you feel and no way to give less than your best.  If you still feel you are looking for the best, you have not yet found love.  Love is a surprise because it’s never what you thought it was and it never comes when you wish it would.

Love can take a break when the words seem hard to find, but love never goes too far away and always comes back to resolve the issue. Love believes there will always be a resolution and love chooses not to sleep until we find it. Love reaches across the distance either we create, when we feel a need to protect ourselves and persistently, ever so gently pulls us toward each other.

Real love demands integrity. It tests each of our ability to stay present, aware and truthful. When we are both being love, we are able to cradle the child in each of us, respect the adult in each of us and encourage the spirit in each of us.

Love is only able to flourish in truth. True love is about being really present, authentic and willing to risk honesty, solidity, sanctuary and grace.       Love is in anything real. You can hear love in Chopin, Beethoven, Puccini, Grobin, Streisand and Brightman.

Love is about taking care of yourself and committing to your own growth so that your partner is not grieved, or required to spend time cleaning up the mess from your lack of awareness. Love is about embracing weaknesses together, talking together; tearing up together and trying to do it better together.  Love is about believing not just enduring.   It’s about devotion, not just affinity.   It’s about passion, not just fondness.  It’s about soul deep connecting, not just sex.  It’s about Beingness, not just bodies.  It’s about wanting those you love to be the best they can be for themselves, not just for you. Mature love is a sacred thing.  Some think it only comes once in one’s lifetime. I believe it can come to anyone who wants it badly enough, with anyone they choose. Real love can be in the middle of every relationship we have, with everyone we know.

Real love never just happens. It is created, moment-by-moment, day-by-day, year-by-year. Love is about your willingness to discover your own capacity for forgiveness, compassion and integrity.  It is created with respect for each other’s beliefs, with support for each other’s goals and with inspiration for each other’s dreams. When you have love, there is nothing else you need. When you are really in love, the grass is never greener and the questions disappear. When you become love you have done what you came here to do. Love is not an instantly falling into thing. Love is a feeling fully, failing and forgiving, filling up and flowing over, finding you and finding me – a slowly becoming a forever thing.

It is really is easy to just shake your head when you hear about all the crazy stuff that happened in Arizona.  Russell Pierce, Joe Arpaio, hateful immigration laws, all give us pause.

And, too, it’s easy enough to shrug your shoulders and say, “it is what it is” – a phrase I have come to abhor, because it is a personal permission to not care and yet, we have to care.

Does anybody remember Sister Margaret McBride?  She was the administrator at St. Joseph’s hospital who was excommunicated for participating in the approval of an abortion for a critically ill patient. The abortion was determined necessary to preserve the health of the mother and performed on an 11-week old fetus.

It would be easy to take off in all directions about such a highly incendiary topic and I am just not going there. But what I DO want to point out is how it’s the little things (and the not so little things) that affect us all within Arizona. It’s the decisions made that does not influence the stranger or even the neighbor down the way, but all of us.

Before the Sister Margaret McBride story broke, we had a client contact us about moving to Arizona. He came to town and was a highly successful IT guy who works in San Diego for the Catholic Healthcare system for nearly 22 years.  Very talented, drop dead handsome, and because of his employer, a semi- closeted gay man. He made a six-figure salary and qualified for a $400,000 home.

This is where we all get to (literally) read the book, “This is the house that Jack built”  because in moving here  he would have bought that $400,000 dollar home , benefited a lender with a $320,000.00  dollar mortgage, spent time at Home Depot and Lowe’s as well as Copenhagen and Ikea. He would have begun committing and investing to our Arizona lifestyle, telling his San Diego peeps about the glory of our fair City and this is how we grow.

Anyone guess where I am going with this?

Literally while we are looking at houses and even narrowing it down between the cute one here or the historic there, the Sister Margaret McBride story broke.  You may have heard the rest of the story – she was excommunicated and St. Joseph’s Hospital lost its Catholic affiliation.  And my client, the 22 year veteran of the Healthcare System decided not to move here.

“Oh come on!” I remember saying to him jokingly, “you’re not going let a little loss of affiliation stop you from moving to Phoenix are you?”

But I knew the answer already.  This time it was not the state’s fault. We couldn’t blame immigration or a crazy governor’s decision making process.    This time it was religious politics – and if you disagree with me, you only have to look at far as the fact that none of the pedophile priests have been excommunicated.

I wanted to point out this dilemma to show the trickle-down effect of one decision. Certainly I am out a client and a commission but even more importantly Arizona is out yet another income producing person.

Dorian Kreiling and her partner, Melinda Murphy are local Valley Realtors representing Buyers, Sellers and now Property Management. They can be reached at 623-694-4737 or Ntouch@MelindaMurphy.com

First of all, Jesus was not born on December 25^th people. Jesus was a Gemini and was born in June! And I am also quite sure Mary and Joseph didn’t weather a snow storm on their way through the desert, as it was depicted in Nestor the Long Eared Christmas Donkey (although I still love that Christmas Special!). In fact, Christmas is yet another pagan holiday called Yule that was borrowed and bastardized by The Church. Traditionally, it was a time to give thanks for the bountiful harvest from the last year and the time to reflect on the blessings it brought.

No, it doesn’t have shit to do with a fat ass toymaker named Santa Claus with a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer either. However, Saint Nicholas was real and was quite an extraordinary person. One of his most famous acts of charity was when he saved a poor gentleman’s 3 daughters from a life of prostitution by providing them each with dowry’s, which he tossed into their window at night. It is the Spirit of St Nick, that elusive “Christmas Spirit”, lingering in the air that makes me love this holiday.

I am inclined to say that people are nicer during this time of year that is until I read about people pepper spraying each other over an Xbox during a Black Friday Sale. But, in general, I find folks to be more pleasant. They seem to smile a bit more often and tend to be more willing to give to charity as well. There is something calming when I see houses in the neighborhood all lit up for the holiday and I really love the smell of pinion pine wafting through the crisp night air. Some of my favorite moments from childhood were spent sitting in front of the fireplace and gazing at the tree while it sparkled and twinkled. There was magic in the air!

I will never forget the day I found out there wasn’t a Santa Claus! The twins up the street, Matt and Mark, decided they would inform me that Santa Claus was really my parents. We got into a Huge Fight! I was not hearing this blasphemy! So, I stomped down the street and told my parents what those little heathens had to say. My parents responded by saying, “well since you know the truth help us put this bike together for your sister”. I was pissed, but begrudgingly learned to find joy in participating in “Elf Duty”.

This year, The Arizona Gender Outlaws have put together a truly blasphemous Holiday Extravaganza which we will be performing at The Rock on December 23^rd at 10p.m. It is a show intended to invoke the shock and horror I felt when I found out there was no Santa. No holiday will be left unscathed! Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, Festivus and even Boxing Day will be held up for ridicule and ridiculous fun!

And just in time for the holidays, we have released our Brand New 2 DVD Set entitled Drag Terrorism and Other Oddities, which is a compilation of a bunch of our favorite videos. It includes our New Documentary Portrait of a Drag Terrorist and Highlights from some of the shows we produced over the last year. It is the perfect gift to horrify both family and friends alike. It is available at The Rock and you will receive a Special Discounted Price when you attend Pandemonium during the month of December! There is a Limited Supply of these videos, so get them, while supplies last.

Well, that’s all I have this month. Be sure to check out my new Radio Show All That Glitters on QTalkaz.com and be sure to head on over to The Rock for Pandemonium Every Friday Night at 10pm.

Until then, if you’re feeling bitter, throw on some glitter!

Happy Holidaze!

Pandora XXXOOO

Historically speaking, we were the healers and midwives of our communities. We used our gifts to help/heal others and this remains true today. Now that I have come out of the “broom closet” let’s chat about my favorite season of the year…Autumn. I love autumn because the air gets crisp, the night sky gets clearer and there is change in the air. It also happens to be the time for two of my favorite holidays … Halloween and Thanksgiving. I simply adore these holidays and this is why…

Halloween was once known as Samhain, which is the time of the Celtic New Year. It’s a time when you can leave all of the baggage from the past year behind and focus on manifesting something new and more fulfilling in the coming year. It is also the time of year when the veil between the worlds is thinnest and loved ones can cross over and sit with you for a spell. In fact, the tradition of carving a jack o’ lantern and placing a light inside of it was started as a way to help guide our friends and family member’s home from the other side. Traditionally, we would also set an extra plate out at dinner time for those that came to visit. So, each year I carve my pumpkin and set out some goodies for all of my ghostly family, in the hopes that some will pop by for a visit. Plus, I get to play dress up with all my friends during Halloween and that makes me happy. Typically, I spend all month long watching my favorite horror movies and plotting my Infamous Halloween Show, because I am a Whore for the Gore!

Autumn is the time of the harvest as well. It’s the time to reap what you have sown and hopefully the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor. This brings me to my next favorite holiday, Thanksgiving. Now understand that I am not a big fan of the story of the First Thanksgiving, as told to us, in what I like to refer to as “Cracker History”. In fact, I find it truly offensive that the White Man’s version glosses right over the fact that without the Native Americans, the Pilgrims would have died in that first year here in the America’s. The native’s helped the early settler’s by sharing their wisdom with them. They welcomed them and showed them how to survive in this new land, just to be massacred and eventually forced to live in areas where NOTHING would grow. They were made to sit idly and watch while the White Man raped their Blessed Mother Earth. So, much like Wednesday Adams, I have a problem with the truth that was told to us in school about the roots of this time honored tradition. However, being that this is the time of the year for celebrating our abundance and a time for sharing in each other’s blessings, my “Family of Choice” which we will refer to as “The Tribe” going forward, started a tradition we call The Peasants Feast. It was an idea we borrowed from the late, great Jonathan Larson, who wrote the Award Winning Musical RENT. You see, my tribe consists mostly of transplants to Arizona, so our “families by blood” are located elsewhere. However, Thanksgiving was always a cherished holiday in all of our families, so we began extending an invite to anyone who didn’t have family here to come and break bread with us. I think there were 11 of us the first year. It has grown exponentially in the last decade, as we have added new members to The Tribe and we keep on extending the invitation. Last year we had 102 people stop by to share a meal and give thanks. It warms my heart to see people open up and give love freely. What can I say?!

So, there it is folks, my most recent musings. Be sure to stop by The Rock for my show Pandemonium, Every Friday Night at 10pm and check out my new internet radio show “All That Glitters” on QTalkAZ.com. And always remember…”If you’re Feeling Bitter, Throw on Some Glitter”!

Be Sure to Sparkle…

Pandora xoxo

Frankincense is derived from the sap of Boswellia trees known as Boswellia sacra. When the bark is cut, resins or sap drip from the tree and harden into “tears.” Tears are harvested two to three times a year. Boswellia trees, found in India and the Arabian countries of the Middle East, have an amazing ability to grow in a harsh arid environment. Different soils and climates result in variations in the quality of resins produced. Generally speaking, the harshest climates produce the most fragrant aroma. Boswellia sacra are cultivated in the Biosphere in Tucson, if you are ever inclined to visit them.

Leaves of the Boswellia serrata tree are used as a medicinal herb. An extraction of these leaves produces a great medicine for arthritic issues, Crohn’s disease, and ulcerative colitis. When the leaf extract is taken three to four times a day, it works on par with most “NSAID” pain meds. Serrata, the medicinal species, is different from the Sacra incense species.

You may be familiar with frankincense from religious ceremonies. Frankincense is an ingredient in the consecrated incense called ketoret. This incense blend is described in the Talmud from ancient times. Frankincense was introduced to Europe by the Frankish crusaders, from whom the substance derived its common name. Since the Middle Ages, frankincense has been used for festive services in many church ceremonies. High masses at Catholic and Episcopal churches use frankincense at this time of the year.

From a mind body spirit perspective, burning frankincense cleanses a living space. I do not have a scientific explanation for you. However, many cultures burn herbs and extracts for this same purpose. Burning frankincense is similar to the Native American practice called smudging. Smudging involves burning dried plants, such as sage, and disbursing the smoke to purify a space. Minimally, both sage and frankincense make a room smell wonderful. Perhaps it is this impact on the olfactory nerve which is sent to the brain that registers a positive effect on our bodies.

To use pure frankincense tears, you need charcoal for burning incense. I purchase the tears online and get small charcoal tablets at Indian and Arabic food stores around the Valley. Light the charcoal with an outdoor grill lighter — matches and cigarette lighters don’t burn long enough to ignite the charcoal.  Once the charcoal pellet catches fire and is very hot, apply the incense to the surface of the pellet. The charcoal burns at a high temperature. Be sure you place the pellet in an incense burner designed for this use. The pearls turn from a hard resin to a waxy appearing substance. Eventually the tears emit a light smoke and pleasant aroma. You can keep adding tears while the pellet is hot. The smoke produced is proportional to the amount you apply. A little does go a long way!

Another great holiday aroma is sage. Salvia officinalis, common or garden sage, is a major culinary herb. Many cooks enhance the taste of dressing, turkey and other holiday dishes with ample amounts of sage. In addition to enhancing the flavor of the dish, sage provides major health benefits. The herb has antibiotic, antifungal, antispasmodic and hypoglycemic properties. This means that if the meat is contaminated, sage may help your body endure the consequences and kill the organisms. This was huge in times before refrigeration. Sage also quiets digestive distress and helps regulate blood sugar when you eat that second helping of dressing. Medicinally, I include sage in many of my herbal tinctures for gastrointestinal distress. Cautionary note: the high temperatures diminish these medical properties. However, the aroma is heavenly!

This is the season for house guests and entertaining. If the party goes “south”, smudge is the best remedy to clear the negative energy. One can purchase smudging sage at many locations in the Valley. I grow my own or harvest it in the Sonoran desert. Once harvested, the sage should be dried for a few weeks. It will last and be useful for a year or so. It is easy to use but have a plate handy to catch the ashes.

I hope your nose is filled with healthy aromas in the coming year. Happy holidays!

Keep your letters coming! I love to hear from you!

Dr. Damien Brandeis, NMD has a private practice located in northwest Chandler.  For more information about his practice, visit www.drbrandeis.net or call 480-855-6560.

Was there a question there?  Hold on, I didn’t hear it – let me turn off the mower and finish eating this grass…

Um, OK.  If there ever were a defense for the norm, you just saw it.

First things first: if you’re pleased with your body and your health, and fast food is an occasional treat in an overall healthy program, then you’re doing just fine, and your obvious health is its own reward.

Here’s the (slightly annoying) motto: Do You FEED your BODY or FILL your BELLY?

The reality is this: all of you busy people are sort of at the mercy of what’s available to eat where you work and live, unless you plan ahead.  I don’t envy your stress and time limits.  That being said, let’s look at some basics.

Compare 1000 calories of French fries next to the same calorie count for avocados, for example.  Calorie for calorie, which food is higher in fat?  Surprise: the avocado.  Yet we don’t hear nutritionists complaining about them.

\Why would French fries get such a bad reputation? Three easy reasons (aside from the fat): French fries are high in carbs and heat-damaged fats, as well as being an acidic food.

Here are some real-life examples.  One serving, Jack in the Box Small Fries: 330 calories.  One medium avocado: 266 calories.

Assuming some dietary variety, let’s assume you had those fries three times a week in one month, as part of a probably larger meal with some sort of sandwich and maybe even a diet soda.  That’s around 4000 calories in one month, just for the fries.  Easy way to gain a pound of fat.

On the other hand, how likely are you to actually eat 15 avocados (3990 calories) in one month?

Well, let’s look at that.  If you ate a fully loaded salad with half an avocado per day, 30 days in a month, you’d reach that amount.  Are you going to do that?  Probably not.

The major differences: Fiber. Fullness. Speed of eating.  And — Alkalinity.

So, do You FEED the BODY or FILL the BELLY?

Many nutritionists will tell you that the more alkaline your overall body chemistry is, the more likely you’ll be lean and healthy.  Excessive acids in the form of overcooked meats, grains, processed foods, sodas, heated fruit juices (they heat them to concentrate them), and more – well it’s a downhill battle to maintain acid/alkaline balance.

To expand on the basics, we didn’t make it this far in human evolution by starving.  So while a serving of fries certainly IS food, it is primarily a very specific food: macronutrient-based.

MACRONUTRIENT vs. MICRONUTRIENT foods:

Macronutrients are Proteins, Fats, and Carbohydrates.

Micronutrients are essentially everything else – all the vitamins and minerals that make the whole thing work.

You will not see a lion in the wild taking down a zebra only to eat its muscles.  They’ll eat the organs, the blood, and then the muscles.  Disgusting? Maybe, but they’re carnivores.

Americans used to eat organ meats: liver and hearts and so on.  Now that it’s almost entirely only muscles that we actually eat (often rolled in breading and fried in fat), we simply must get those vitamins and minerals (micronutrients) somewhere else, or we end up with a highly acid environment that in many doctors’ opinions will result in all sort of problems, the least of which is the retention of bodyfat.

And here’s the focus: In the absence of micronutrient foods, you will keep craving “something” to eat, over and over, until you get at least a sliver of what the body needs.  Given that diet, it’s no wonder people gain so much weight just trying to make it through a day.

Introducing: Smartfoods!

Do we FEED our BODY or FILL our BELLY?

I’m keeping it real here:  You will do better to find a pleasant tasting greens drink (contact me to get one of the best) and add THAT to your diet than go it alone on just macronutrients.  Or have more salads.  And if you think only girls eat salads, think again – more men are figuring it out for themselves.

You could get one of the multi-greens snack bars that taste great; or fresh vegetable juice at the market – that can get expensive.  You could get a multivitamin – I can point you to a custom multi made just for you.  You could also go to the effort to juice your own vegetables.  The main problem in all of these smartfoods could be that they might or might not be lacking in fiber – and it should be obvious why that’s needed.

Either way, macronutrients by themselves will never do the whole job of feeding you – and we humans are the only mammals that even attempt to toy with the basic laws of nature for the sake of convenience.

With all that being said, is this the best case scenario?  Of course not.  But, I’m keeping it real.  Most of you won’t do a dietary overhaul in short order.  So, try this:  One week of using green smartfoods — bars or powders, etc. – and see if the improved energy, focus, digestion and weight loss don’t tell the whole story.  Watch your cravings plummet as you actually FEED your BODY, not FILL your BELLY, and your appetite will adjust itself in record time.  Those fries will look good on occasion but less often because, ultimately, your body will know it is being fed.  It’s that simple.  It’s that easy. And it’s not insanely expensive, so get on that, OK?  I know — after you finish your fries!

As always, I do hope this helps, and I do sincerely know from experience that you can feel better if you’re open to new ideas, and you can always contact me for more information.

That’s it for now.  Best of health to you all and as always, keep those questions coming!

Kirk Matthews is a multiple Certified Personal Trainer and Professional Nutrition Consultant; answers may contain advice from either or both disciplines.  Call: 602-616-9195. Questions: e-mail kirk.matthews@hotmail.com (with “n touch” in subject line). Visit thetrumpnetwork.com/kirkmatthews — hover over “Why Our Products Work” to learn about Lab-formulated supplements and smart foods made just for you!  And visit:sportsclubatcitysquare.com to try before you buy.

When we are away on Holidays, we have no problem just hanging out and relaxing. We can spend an hour or two doing nothing except being together. We genuinely express our caring for each other and have less hesitancy about saying “I love you.” We listen a bit more intensely, hoping to catch up. We share a bit more intensely hoping to connect. Simply put, we are more present.

We greet the day knowing it has the potential for great joy. We anticipate it and we join in to help create it. We tell people how kind we feel they are, how much we appreciate them and how truly glad we are that they are in our lives. We miss those whose turn it is to travel to the out of town family, and we begin to plan for next year when it is our turn to have them back with us.

We make time to take in the scents and sounds of the day, the laughter, the conversations, the music and the sharing. Every color seems more vivid, every expression a bit more poignant and every minute together more precious. In a country that abhors and avoids feelings like a plague, we allow ourselves to feel the full gambit of them on the holidays. Whether it’s the scared anticipation of what’s behind the Halloween mask or a joyful one about what’s in the beautifully wrapped package, we give into the moment and the feelings on Holidays.

Why not all year? What is it about the Holidays that give us permission to feel, or rather, why do we give our selves permission to feel more openly during the Holidays? Is it the expectation of smiles being returned on the street, of hands wrapped around warm drinks, the general goodwill of your family and fellow man and woman? Or, is it that we embrace and experience the Holidays and each other differently. I think I need to reframe the Holidays for myself and make them a year round event.

I think at Halloween I will decide to take off any masks that have been created during the year and get back to my authentic self. No tricks up my sleeve, no false façade, just a renewed commitment of me being me.

This Thanksgiving, I will remind myself that I have much to be thankful for and that it needs to flow outward to others for the rest of the year. No grimacing about what might be missing or how difficult my year has been, when in truth, I am incredibly blessed.

This Christmas, I will have a heart full of love. 
I will reach beyond what I perceive to be the shortcomings of family or friends and see that they need a space of compassion and love in which to find their best selves, just as I do.

This New Year’s Eve, my resolution, as always, will be to be as conscious and kind as I can be, knowing the world is changed through the individual effort of each of us.

But, most of all I will be thinking of Eric. He has not beaten it. The Oh God, is here again and this time in a more dangerous place than ever. So, I will remind myself how precious life is, how amazing the people in my family and life are and what an amazing gift every moment and every breath is. I will choose not to be weighed down by anything that doesn’t matter and in tribute to Eric’s courage; I will greet the holidays and the New Year with a renewed reverence for life. I will thank him for reminding me that beautiful spirits live life to the fullest, without regret, in hopeful abandon and that every moment of everyday should be, can be,  a holiday.

We wish you a holiday filled with love and an abundance of good feelings. And if you have a minute, say a prayer for Eric.

Dr. Dina Evan is an author and licensed MFT in California and a Spiritual and Executive coach in Arizona. She has won national acclaim as a human rights advocate and motivational speaker. You can reach her at DrDBE@attglobal.net, DrDinaEvan.com, 602-997-1200 or here at ‘N Touch and on her weekly podcast The Doctor Dina Hour at QTalkAZ.com