‘N Touch News Network Blog

By Dr. Dina Evan

Ever wondered why doctors don’t listen? For whatever the reason; high costs, low energy, high risk, low ethics, I have had a run of doctors who feel they know more about my body in less than six visits than I know in sixty-plus years and it’s not only annoying, it’s plain dangerous.

I went to one doctor that told me for several years that the reason I was weak was that I had fibromyalgia. He would become agitated if I dared interrupt to tell him anything and he felt our sessions should be controlled by his unending stories about other patients and off-point questions. The second doctor, who the first doctor’s administrative manager sent me to, told me I “looked great, how could anything be wrong?” Something was wrong! I had a non-contagious bacterial infection that was getting the best of my lungs. I searched the city and found a new doctor, this time a woman.

Within less that three visits, the truth that despite their gender, doctors don’t listen raised it’s ugly head on her shoulders. She told me I was imagining some visual acuity problems I reported experiencing from a medication she prescribed and when I insisted the symptoms were real, she for the third time, insisted she knew best. I took myself off the medicine and become her non-compliant patient. I went to an optometrist and an ophthalmologist, both of whom told me and her I needed to get off the medicine immediately and do not use it ever because had I stayed on it I would have become permanently blind. My doctor never apologized for giving me so much guff after receiving both of their reports.

Not listening has become an epidemic. Our elected officials don’t listen. Our employers don’t listen. Our family members and even our spouses very often don’t listen. Why? Maybe it is because we are not connected enough to care. Maybe it’s because we are afraid we will be responsible and have to do something in our already burdensome lives. Maybe it’s because we are on sensory-overload, but whatever the reason, listening has become a lost and precious art.

I was very fortunate when I was getting my license to have had had a Zen Buddhist supervisor who taught me that mindful listening, created mindful responses which ultimately resulted in mindful living. Granted this skill is a lifelong work in progress, especially when faced with injustice and inequity, however, it’s a skill worth working toward.

I think we stop listening because we are afraid we might disagree, or we might have to change something, or fix something. What if all we really have to do is hear and understand? If I can hear you, and understand why you believe what you believe, I can then respond in a caring way that accepts the possibility of differences. Not only does this allow for greater compassion and connection, it may save a life – your own or another’s.

Are we listening to our kids when they tell us about their fears and feelings of despair? Are we listening to our spouses when they speak of their aloneness? Are we listening to our community when they say we are sick of having gay pride be about booze and sexual activity we can’t be proud of? Are we listening when our gut tells us not to take a medicine or get involved with an inappropriate potential partner? Are we listening when our intuition tells us to find another doctor, stop drinking, ask for what we need and get healthy?

Simply by becoming a good listener, you’ll discover what motivates your clients to buy your product or use your service. By listening, you’ll discover what’s bothering your spouse, your partner or your children. By listening, you’ll discover a lot of very interesting people in the world around you. Listening is the catalyst that fosters mutual understanding, compassion and provides us with insight into people’s needs and desires, so that we can connect with them. By listening, you’ll become a mindful, compassionate, conscious human being. By listening to yourself, you could save your own life. You are your highest authority on everything in your life. Don’t let a license, a title, or any other façade of authority trick you into ignoring what you know to be right for you. Listen to yourself first, and foremost.

When you are genuinely listening, you are not judging, or being critical, you are being humble and caring both when listening to yourself and others. Moreover, if you are not listening, you’ve stopped learning.

Thanks for listening.Send questions to  DrDBE@attglobal.net or to editor@ntouchaz.com.

Dr. Dina Evan is a licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist in the State of California. She has offices in Phoenix, AZ and Los Angeles, CA. Dr. Evan has won national acclaim as a human rights advocate. She is a columnist for several newspapers and has written five best selling books. For more information you may go to DrDinaEvan.com.

Kirk, I have sort of a confession, well kinda.  Since January, I thought I’d been doing really good at work and with my friends about sticking to my diet and trying to lose weight like everybody else.  And it’s not even that much really.  I’m only 32.  So I just wanted to lose like 25 pounds to be my old college self again when girls would give me attention.  But I noticed at work that I’m not the only one who sneaks snacks at her desk in between the “official” meals.  So, it’s kind of a sad show we put on.  Like what I mean is that it seems like we cheat and then pretend it’s all good when we sit down to eat together.  So only a few of us really are getting anywhere.  And I for one am starting to just feel really guilty and want to give up.  So any help would be great.  Thanks, Sharon

Sharon, honesty is the first step, so let’s start there.  And you deserve credit and respect for it.  You’re thinking that you’re sabotaging your own results, and you’re probably mistaken, as you’ll read below.  Whether it’s deliberate is rarely up for debate: most people who enter a program of change really are sincerely wanting the result.  It’s the getting there that’s frustrating.

Many of you feel as though you’re shooting in the dark; hoping you hit that target with the poor aim of simple guesswork.

Important point: At least you’re not attempting to starve the weight off.  That’s so very important because we know that starvation diets don’t work in the long-term scheme of smart weight management.
So I’ll be repeating this idea several times here…

Here’s an important question to ask yourself: Am I currently gaining weight?  Really, am I?  Be honest and not judgmental for now, as we’re using some simple dietary science here.  Let your honesty carry you through these observations: less judgment and more factual observation.

Here’s why: If you’re not currently gaining weight, and in fact if you’ve not been adding weight for some time now, then what you’re currently doing is actually serving you well.

Think of food as firewood on a roaring fire: take away too much of the wood and you risk extinguishing the fire.  Obviously, complete removal of food would eventually result in death; and while that sounds drastic, many people steer dangerously close to damaging their health in the pursuit of the quick fix.  Many people who are simply trying to become healthier and slimmer do some crazy starvation fad diets, cleanses, flushes and so on just to lose weight.  And many doctors will confirm for you that while these fasts and cleanses might be good for allergies and more, they aren’t really regularly observed to be helpful or healthful for long-term weight loss.

I’m striking a solid mark on the ground here for you to stand on as you repeat these phrases:

Starvation does not work.
Extra bodyfat is only stored energy.
I am not obese, and my goal is within reach.
I love food and I am in control.

That last point is a big one: control.  And I’m focusing on your control because you might very well see your friends losing control as they stab at this diet and that fad to attempt the quick fix.  But you know better:  you’re cheating with snacks at your desk behind open view of others because your body knows better: it knows something’s not quite right about the “dry Caesar salad with dry chicken and dressing on the side” approach to “dieting-for-show”.

So, let’s discard this notion that we’re going to lose weight as a New Year’s resolution, or a deadline-based venture.  Let’s celebrate the control you do have by entering a new phase where you acknowledge that if it took eight to ten years to put the weight on, then even as much as a year to lose the extra weight is a sensible, and more likely long-lasting, prospect.

Let’s understand that simply eating tiny amounts less at every other meal is one key. One more walk around the block on your evening walk is another easy key. A really good night of sleep is yet one more key.  And let’s not forget the value of water, water, and more clean water as an additional very effective key.

So to recap:  Eat a bit less at every other meal – barely noticeable.  Walk a bit more – barely tiring at all.  Sleep a bit more – who doesn’t enjoy that?  And more clean water: easy as can be.

Key point to remember: you’re still in your menstruating years.  Every month, your body prepares for the possibility of pregnancy, right?  And while men clearly don’t have the same concern, both genders risk dramatic loss of muscle in calorie restriction diets.  And your muscle is your metabolic “fire”.  We don’t want a lowered metabolism: that’s like taking wood off the fire – and cooler burning is not the way to lasting results.

And women are more likely to suffer greatly reduced metabolism as a result of continual caloric restriction.  Here’s why, from a strictly hormonal human survival viewpoint: If you become pregnant, the priority is to feed the baby, not to attract girls like in college. How’s that for honesty?  The hormones rule everything.  So women in their childbearing years – whether considering becoming pregnant or not – cannot toy with caloric restriction for very long without it backfiring on their best intentions.  Fabulous and skinny doesn’t feed babies.  Did I mention that hormones rule everything?

But the hormonal system can easily tolerate some mild trickery in the form of ICR: Intermittent Caloric Restriction.  Take calories away here, then eat normal, then strip a few calories there.  Over time, this becomes a habit.  Over time, you consider taking a yoga class or biking or a casual hike.  Over time, you might take up a light jog instead of a walk around the block.  Over time, you consider that you’re worth hiring a trainer to learn how to preserve and build the metabolic fire of appropriate muscle for your body type and size.  Over time, you can have your cake and eat it too.

And when the girls start giving you attention like they did in college, that cake tastes so much better, because it’s smart cake!

You’re going to do just fine, because you are smart — I can sense it.  And sooner than later, you’ll be sending a follow-up e-mail about how you knew the steady course was the key all along, and all of this information is just another step to propel you to the easy discipline to reach your goals…

Sharon, Best of Results to You and Good Luck!

That’s all for now.  Best of health to you all and as always, keep those questions coming!

Kirk Matthews is a multiple Certified Personal Trainer and Professional Nutrition Consultant; answers may contain advice from either or both disciplines.  Call: 602-616-9195. Questions: e-mail kirk.matthews@hotmail.com (use “‘n touch” in subject line). Visit www.thetrumpnetwork.com/kirkmatthews and hover over “Why Our Products Work” and click on Privatest, Custom Essentials and Silhouette Solution to learn about Lab-formulated supplements made just for you!  And visit: www.sportsclubatcitysquare.com to try before you buy.

By Dr. Damien Brandeis

Summer is coming! If you are so inclined, it’s a great time to plant some herbs. Of course, the culinary herbs come to mind for flower pots and little garden plots. I have a suggestion that thrives in the Arizona sun. It is useful and beautiful.

Calendula officinalis is one of my favorite herbs. It is an excellent herb for treatment of all skin ailments including chemical burns, cuts, abrasions, eczema, psoriasis, impetigo, staph infections, acne, and sunburns. Calendula is also safe to use on the mucosal membranes of the ear, nose and throat. It’s common name is pot marigold. This herb is not the nasty smelling flowers that are many times planted as borders in vegetable gardens.

The plant’s flower reminds me of the sun. It has a beautiful flower with bright yellow petals. There is very little aroma to the plant. The medicinal parts are the stem, flower petals, and the sap. You may use the plant fresh though dried it is are much more potent.

Calendula is extracted with water and can be used in herbal teas, tinctures, ointments and remedies. Calendula contains many bioflavinoids which are antioxidants which protect the body from free radical cellular damage. It is a superlative antibacterial, anti-inflammatory and antiviral. I apply the “succus” (sap from the plant) to all abrasions, sutured wounds, and all forms of skin irritation. I use this herb in place of an antibacterial ointment. Calendula is great for all skin issues. An ointment made from Calendula is excellent for the treatment of sun burns. If you have eye irritation from allergies, you can place an herbal tea bag of moist warm Calendula flowers over your eyes and the swelling will decrease rapidly. If you are suffering from an ear ache, a cooled tea dropped into the external canal will soothe the pain and promote the demise of the offending organism. When I have throat irritation from allergies or colds, I gargle with Calendula succus. Then I make a hot cup of the tea prepared by steeping the dried flowers in boiling water for 20 minutes. It is a refreshing drink and soothes your throat. I find the tea one of the most effective treatments for a common sore throat and seasonal allergies. Calendula is also a great treatment for ulcers and other stomach and intestinal ailments. I have had reports that the tea is a great tonic for menstrual cramps. Calendula is healing for all surfaces of the body.

Considering the beauty of the plant and its many uses, Calendula is one plant you should consider growing this summer. The fresh plants will serve you now, and the dried plant will serve you all winter long. It is beautiful medicine.

Dr. Damien Brandeis, NMD has a private practice located in west Chandler. For more information about Dr. Brandeis and his practice, visit drbrandeis.net.

By Dr. Damien Brandeis

Hi Doctor B!  Summer is almost here so I am wondering about the best way to moisturize skin.  Should it be from the inside out, or are moisturizers the way to go?  Susan

I suggest that people attack dry skin with multiple methods. First, dry skin is more prevalent in the summer because of dehydration and oxidative damage associated with ionizing radiation from the sun. Pinch the skin on the top of your hand. If the skin stands up by itself, you are dehydrated. The formula for ideal hydration is to take your body weight in pounds and divide that number by two. This equals the number of ounces of water you should consume daily. Dehydration is a huge problem in the desert because you loose water with every breath you take.

You need to hydrate the dry air as it enters your respiratory tract to keep the tissue of the respiratory tree healthy and free of injury from the dry air. As you exhale, you loose moisture. This is a significant means of dehydration. The second is sweating.

Humidity is low in the desert and we actually loose water via the skin and we don’t feel it. This process not only contributes to skin dehydration but also to the “drying” of the skin. The other main issue with dry skin is oxidative damage as a result of ionizing radiation from the sun. As the ultraviolet radiation cooks your skin, you dehydrate and absorb energy that promotes oxidative damage. This alters the structure of the skin and contributes to the luggage/leather appearance in sun worshipers. So my suggestions are: 1. Take good doses of antioxidant supplements internally. 2. Consume adequate water. 3. Protect your skin from ionizing radiation with as many means as possible, light clothing being the best method. 4. Use moisturizers and sun blockers. 5. Essential fatty acids and all of the

fat soluble vitamins are implicated in a good means of reducing oxidative damage skin.

You really cannot do too much, and all are quite helpful means of protecting your skin and maintaining that youthful attractive quality we covet so much.

Is there a natural way to lower cholesterol? I’m about 15 points over “normal”.

Roger

Total cholesterol is a combined serum measurement that computes cholesterol from diet and liver sources. You can take medicine or supplements but dietary intake will still impact your results. Low density lipoproteins or bad cholesterol is another marker as a risk factor for heart disease. I am not sure which of these tests you are indicating. Depending on the test, the recommendation for therapy

varies. I generally do a comprehensive workup and consider both tests. On the other hand, I don’t simply treat lab results and hope the patient improves too.

I prescribe Guggyl, Garlic and Niacin. Guggyl is an herb that helps lower total

cholesterol and promotes lipid metabolism in the liver. A clove of raw garlic is one of the cheapest most effective means of regulating bad cholesterol there is. A crushed clove of garlic taken in water at bedtime with a diet regimen low in saturated fat is a great place to start. Another supplement to consider is the vitamin Niacin. Some people do not like the flushing experience, so the metabolite Niaci-

nate will also work. Your problem appears to be moderate, and these nutritional supplements should help.

Dr. Damien Brandeis, NMD has a private practice located in Chandler.  Dr. Brandeis is a new Cigna provider, so please give him consideration for your medical care.  For more information, please visit  drbrandeis.net or call 480-855-6560.

By George Burson

When you are gay and looking for a spiritual home, it tends to be difficult to find a

church that will accept you as you are. My partner David and I were cradle Catholics and over the years, we have been involved in various ministries. While the Catholic communities that we have belonged to have accepted us for the most part, the teachings of the Catholic Church does not accept active homosexuals and we are not about to live a celibate life to conform.

In 2003, we decided that the time had come for us to begin exploring other churches that were more accepting of gays and our journey began. As we explored various denominations we found far greater acceptance, but there still very often seemed to be conditions and limitations or the worship structure was very different than what we enjoyed. Finally frustration set in and we decided to give up our search and spend Sunday mornings at home.

Recently we moved to central Phoenix from the west valley and decided to begin our search again. We had thought about trying some of the gay churches in town but opted to try some more mainstream churches where the congregation would offer a mix of backgrounds and sexual orientations. We had tried a couple of churches that people had recommended to us and on Christmas Eve decided to try the First Congregational United Church of Christ. We didnʼt know much about the church, however much to our surprise, we found exactly what we were looking for!

We walked into what looked like a very charming but traditional church and found anything but a traditional congregation.

We have never had so many people come over to us to greet and welcome us to a church. There was a very visible LGBT presence, but many of the people welcoming us included older heterosexual couples who had been members for 40 or 50 years as well as young families. We even ran into several friends who we did not know attended the church.

We decided to return to the church the following Sunday and began doing some homework on this church that seemed too good to be true. In looking into the history of the church, we discovered that the forebears of the UCC were the pilgrims arriving in America in 1620. In 1785, Lemuel Haynes was ordained the first African American minister in the United States by the Congregational Church. In 1853, Antoinette Brown was ordained the first female minister by the Congregational Church. In 1957 the Evangelical, Reformed and Congregational churches joined to form the United Church of Christ.

In 1972, The UCC ordained William R. Johnson, the first openly gay minister in a Christian Church in modern times.

The church has obviously had a long tradition in the fight for social justice, and is a welcoming home for the disenfranchised of all walks of life. For David and I, this is what “church” truly is about.

For the last 18 years, under the leadership of the Rev. Dr. Stephen E. Wayles, who is openly gay, the First Congregational UCC has been in the fight for gay rights, civil rights and immigration rights. It is a church that welcomes everyone equally. Groups meeting at the UCC include PFLAG, Hispanic PFLAG, 1n10, Desert Overtures, and Full Circle Womenʼs Choir. The church is involved with the Interfaith Cooperative Ministries and Habitat for Humanity.

Rev. Wayles feels that at UCC “we take the bible too seriously to take it literally” and that faith in God is demonstrated by how we treat others especially those that are different from ourselves. The church with over 400 members is comprised of approximately 60% heterosexual and 40% from the LGBT community. The church was the first integrated church in Phoenix. The church also performs gay commitment services.

Services are held on Sunday morning at 10:30. This is a service that incorporates traditional, contemporary and secular music sung by a great choir. If you prefer non traditional services, the church has recently begun an alternative service under the leadership of Rev. Jarrett Maupin on Sunday evening at 6. This service was begun as an outreach to people who have been rejected from churches or donʼt feel comfortable in a traditional church setting.

You can find out more about the First Congregational United Church Of Christ by going to phoenixucc.org and ucc.org.

The First Congregational United Church of Christ is located at 1407 North 2nd Street in Phoenix, AZ.